I really enjoy reading the articles at The Art of Manliness. The folks there are a creative bunch and there’s usually not a week that goes by that there isn’t something very interesting to read. Not only that, but it’s an excellently put together website (unlike amateur-hour over here). While not necessarily coming at manhood from a biblical perspective, much of what they share could still receive a hearty “Amen,” from men pursuing godliness.
A while back they posted a two-part series called, “Don’t Waste Your Twenties.” (Click here to read Part 1… and here for Part 2). The first post focused a great deal on how our brains are wired during our twenties and what we are, therefore, able to do better during that decade than when we grow older. Part two is a natural follow-up post that basically says, “Since your brain is, in fact, wired that way… take advantage of it. Don’t waste this prime time in your life” (that’s my very simple paraphrase). Again, both posts are very interesting and I would encourage you to read them both.
Those posts reminded me of a book I read by one of my favorite authors, Steve Farrar. It’s entitled, How To Ruin Your Life by 30. (By the way, I think it’s the perfect gift for both high school and college graduates!) It’s short, simple, and to the point. Better yet, it’s really insightful. Here are Farrar’s nine suggestions for how a young person can do a super job at ruining his or her life by age 30…
1.) Overlook the law of cause and effect
2.) Get off to a bad start
3.) Ignore God’s purpose for your life
4.) Refuse to take responsibility for your actions
5.) Neglect your gifts and strengths when choosing a vocation
6.) Disregard what the Bible says about sex and marriage
7.) Stop Learning
8.) Isolate yourself
9.) Refuse daily wisdom
Obviously, the book is written to make the very opposite points and Farrar offers some helpful wisdom for folks at any age… not just the under 30 crowd.
Of course, the granddaddy of the “don’t waste your life” books is John Piper’s book… you guessed it… Don’t Waste Your Life. There is much wisdom in this book as well. One of Piper’s main desires is to encourage Christians not to give into the temptation of a retirement that amounts to no more than moving to Florida to collect shells on the beach and to play golf every day. He shares the words on a plaque that was in his childhood home that said…
Only one life,
‘Twill soon be past;
Only what’s done
for Christ will last.
The book is essentially an exposition of those words and the countless texts in Scripture that communicate that truth. It’s an inspiring, encouraging, and CONVICTING book. I think of the two, I would buy the Farrar book for graduates and give older folks the Piper book. Both, however, are well worth reading for Christians who take their lives in this world seriously.
Grace and Truth,
Rise up, O men of God!
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and mind and soul and strength
To serve the King of kings.
Rise up, O men of God!
The kingdom tarries long.
Bring in the day of brotherhood
And end the night of wrong.
Rise up, O men of God!
The church for you doth wait,
Her strength unequal to her task;
Rise up and make her great!
Lift high the cross of Christ!
Tread where His feet have trod.
As brothers of the Son of Man,
Rise up, O men of God!
Tales of Integrity
Max Anders tells the following story…
“A number of years ago, Cleveland Stroud, coach of the Bulldogs of Conyers, Georgia, led his team to a championship season with a record of 21-5. In their final game in March, they won a dramatic, come-from-behind win that gave them a state championship. But a short time later, a confession was made that stripped them of the trophy. It was not a revelation of wrongdoing but a revelation of right-doing.
“In the first of the school’s post-season games, an ineligible player had played 45 seconds of one game. No one knew at the time that he was ineligible. When it was discovered, the coach voluntarily reported it to the Georgia High School Athletic Association, which deprived them of their trophy. Coach Stroud was widely quoted when he said:
“’We didn’t know he was ineligible at the time; we didn’t know it until a few weeks ago. Some people said we should have just kept quiet about it, that it was just 45 seconds and the player wasn’t even an impact player. But you’ve got to do what’s honest and right and what the rules say. I told my team that people forget scores of basketball games; they don’t ever forget what you’re made of.’”
Here’s another story about integrity, or the lack thereof…
Bill Hendricks encountered an illustration of this principle [of integrity] in the real estate market of the 1980s. He met a developer who claimed to have woven what he called “biblical principles of business” into his deals. But when the market went south, he skipped town and left his investors to pick up the pieces… and the debts. (Boa)
One more from Pat Morley…
A man sitting next to me on a plane ordered a drink – a bourbon and Coke. The busy flight attendant said she would come back to collect his money, which he lift lying on this tray table. She passed up and down the aisle several times. It became obvious the flight attendant had forgotten about his money. After she made a half dozen trips past us, my aisle-mate reached over, picked up his money, and slipped it back into his coat pocket. Integrity – what’s the price? Sold for a $6 drink.
Can you relate to those stories? Maybe you’ve witnessed incredible acts of godly integrity by people you know. Or, maybe you’ve seen acts of bankrupt integrity from those you know as well.
Integrity! While the word may not appear many times throughout the Bible, it’s still a dominant theme that runs from Genesis to Revelation. So, what does integrity mean? Well… it has a couple of meanings that relate to one another.
But before I define what it means, I want to give you an illustration from Scripture of its opposite. Have you ever felt that your life was falling apart… that all the pieces of your life just weren’t fitting together? That’s a feeling of DIS-integration. It’s a feeling of being undone or not whole.
In Isaiah 6, we find the prophet Isaiah standing before a vision of the holiness and majesty of God, in God’s throne room. As he stood before a perfect, righteous, and holy God, Scripture tells us that Isaiah began to feel undone. Here are three translations of how Isaiah responded to this vision, to this experience:
“Woe is me! For I am lost;” (ESV)
“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined…” (NIV)
“Woe is me, for I am undone…” (NKJV)
Each is communicating Isaiah’s feeling of falling apart, coming undone, disintegrating.
Integrity: Definition 1
And so, the first definition of integrity is that we are integrated. That is, we’re undivided, whole, complete. A building or bridge is said to have structural integrity when everything fits together… when everything is where it’s supposed to be and works the way it’s supposed to work.
Integrity: Definition 2
The second definition is related to the first one. Earl Palmer puts it this way…
Integrity of behavior and actions… As the dictionary puts it, ‘soundness of moral principle; the character of uncorrupted virtue, especially in relation to truth and fair dealing; uprightness, honesty, sincerity.’
What does all that mean for us? The Bible calls us to be same person, no matter who we are with, where we are, and no matter the circumstances.
What does the Bible call us if we act one way with one group of people… and another way with a different group of people? Hypocrites. My son Grant asked what I was preaching on this morning. I told him, “integrity” and told him what it meant as well as what the opposite meant.
He then told me about a boy in the movie, Wonder. He said there was a boy who was a big bully and picked on the other kids. But in front of adults he was super well-behaved, a perfect angel. I told him that’s exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you who are older, we know such a person from the TV show, Leave It To Beaver – Eddie Haskell.
Scripture gives us a picture of hypocrisy, featuring the Apostle Peter. Peter was in Antioch, enjoying fellowship with the Gentile Christians. He knew what the Gospel was, for it had been affirmed and confirmed at the counsel of Jerusalem with Paul, James, and the other Apostles. He knew that no extra works of the law were required to be saved, to be justified, to have a right relationship with God. He knew this and so he enjoyed fellowship with his Gentile brothers and sisters in Christ.
However, the Judaizers arrived, those Jewish Christians who believed that to be properly Christian, one had to first be circumcised and then practice other parts of the Law of Moses. This pressure was too much for Peter, and thus he recoiled from the Gentiles. Out of fear of the Judaizers, this great stalwart of the faith buckled and joined the Judaizers. This hypocrisy of Peter’s was contagious, for not only did other Jewish Christians do the same, so did Barnabas. Peter was rightfully called out on this publicly by Paul.
One writer said,
“Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it’s a matter of having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside.” Boa
Peter wasn’t single-mindedness between these two groups. He lacked integrity. He was not consistent in who he was and what he believed. He was, to quote James 1:8, “double-minded.” He was of two opinions, depending on whom he was with.
A Look in the Mirror
But we don’t have to pick on Peter, do we? Can you spot some of this in yourself? Here are some questions to ask yourself…
· Are you the same person at home with your family as you are at church?
· Are you the same person with church friends as you are with work friends?
· Are you the same person when you’re with your friends at school that you are in your small group or Bible study?
· Are you the same person with your family as you are sitting alone in front of the computer or television screen?
· Are you the same person on a business trip as you are at home?
· How radically different is your thought-life from your public persona?
Jesus attacked this very thing in the lives of the Pharisees. Quoting Isaiah, Jesus said in Matthew 15:8,
“These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” (NIV)
Elsewhere he called them whitewashed tombs, which looked beautiful and ornate on the outside, but on the inside they were full of dead men’s bones. That’s hypocrisy!
The Gaps Between Is and Ought
A mentor of mine said many times, “I know the better course to take, but too often I take the lesser.” We all do, don’t we? We know what we ought to do, but we don’t always do it. Or, we know what we ought not do, but we do it anyway.
We can think of our integrity like this: How far is the gap between your OUGHT and your IS? In other words, how far is the distance between what you know you ought to do, and what is actually the case about your life? Can you relate to this?
Have you have ever heard the words, or said them yourself… Do as I say, not as I do? You may be doing great in some areas of your life, while other areas need some help. The gaps between what you ought to do and what you are doing, need to close.
Think about all the different areas of your life.
· Private life
· Employee or Employer
· Church member
As you move from relationship to relationship, circumstance to circumstance, role to role, how varied are the gaps? Do they change much, depending on who you’re with, where you are, and according to the circumstance? Our goal is to close the gaps in our lives. To be whole people. To be consistent. To be the same person with the same mind, no matter where we are… or who we’re with.
Closing the Gaps
So how do we close the gaps in our lives? Well, we need a constant standard and we need a power source in our lives.
Think of yourself as a planet. In our solar system, the planets orbit around the sun. My question for you is this: What does your life orbit around? And how do you know when you’re drifting away from where your need to be? How can you tell?
When Jesus Christ is our Lord, and therefore, the center of our lives, we orbit around him. And through his Spirit and his Word, we’ll know when we’re in the right place and when we’re not.
And when we’re not, not only will we be able to spot the drift, but we’ll be able to make the turn and move back in a Christward direction. But if anyone or anything other than Christ is at the center of our lives, then we may not be able to tell when we’re drifting, at first.
For a season, we may be able to fool ourselves and others. But as Christ and our other standard move further and further apart, we’ll begin to experience a breakdown in our integrity.
Think about the performer in a circus who stands on two horses as they gallop around the ring, one foot on each horse. The performer is safe, as long as those horses stay close to one another. But if they ever begin to move apart, the performer will have to make a decision or else be in some real trouble.
Christ is calling us to make that decision today, before there’s an integrity crisis in our lives. He wants us to follow him. He wants to be the center of our lives so we can safely orbit around him and be where he wants us to be.
But we have blind spots, don’t we? Or, we have gaps we’re aware of, but we’re struggling with them.
The good news is that, because of Jesus Christ, we can make the turn back to Christ, and by his grace and power, we can return to him and live a fruitful life of godly integrity. Let me encourage you to dig into and remain in God’s Word. Surround yourself with other godly people who will love you, encourage, you, pray for you, and hold you accountable in your pursuit of godly integrity. Don’t try to live a life of integrity on your own.
God is so good and so patient. He’s waiting for us to close those gaps in our lives by returning to him. Let me encourage you to make that turn today.
This book offers short devotional chapters covering key principles for men who desire to walk the right path of godly manhood.
A godly man knows Christ, has a Christian worldview, lives under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, is aware of the temptations in his life and fights hard against them, desires to grow in his faith, exercises biblical wisdom and discernment, and follows his Lord wherever he may lead. These are the themes that run throughout these devotions.
Before making it to this book, these chapters were sent out as devotional emails over the course of a year to encourage and equip men to walk the path of godly manhood.
Each of these 52 chapters contains a devotional based on Scripture, questions for reflection and next steps, a prayer, and prayer prompts to help guide you in your prayer life for that week.
This devotional can be used for personal time spent with God, as well as a resource for discipling other men, or to use in your small group.
You can learn more about it or buy it here, at Lulu.com.
I have a good number of "raising sons" sort of books sitting on my bookshelves. While some are better than others, I have appreciated them all and am grateful for the effort being made by the authors to highlight the importance of raising sons in today's world.
As the father of three boys, the topic of raising sons to become godly men is very important to me. It’s more than that… it’s a passion of mine. If only I was better at it. If only I was more faithfully practicing what I’m learning in all the books I’m reading on the subject. If only I was more consistent. Well, like the rest of life, fathering sons is also a journey, one I pray that, by God’s grace, I will become better at traveling.
Many, if not most books on the subject, begin by communicating just how rough it is to be a boy (or man) these days. When you realize some of these books were written 15-20 years ago, you appreciate it has not gotten any better for boys or men. Here were three articles written a few years ago by Al Mohler to help make that case.
Other authors, such as Pat Morley, Steve Farrar, and Robert Lewis, who have written extensively on the subject of ministering to men, have all shared the same: Boys are growing up without any real understanding of what it means to be a man. There are even fewer who have an understanding of what biblical manhood is. When the default definition of manhood comes from movies and other forms of the entertainment industry, you know our culture is in trouble.
In addition to raising our three sons (and one awesome daughter) with my wife, I was also privileged to lead a small group of middle school boys for a few years. I jumped at the chance because I believe the church, (as a supplement to the home) is where boys have the greatest chance to learn what it means to become a godly man. I thank God for homes, churches, ministries to boys, scouting programs, etc., that are taking seriously the call to help boys navigate their way to manhood from a biblical perspective. Our culture will be lost without such boys who grow to become such men.
Where, how, and to whom is God calling you to invest your life in the lives of boys who need your godly influence? Pray about it today and then act on it as soon as possible. They need you. We need you.
Grace and Truth,
Character Then Influence
In his commentary on the Sermon on the Mount, John Stott reminds his readers that if Matthew 5:3-12 (the Beatitudes) is about a Christian’s character, then Matthew 5:13-16 is about a Christian’s influence in this world. I have always loved the words of Matthew 5:13-16, which describe Christian influence as salt and light. These words of Jesus point us toward the right balance of inward piety and outward action.
It’s important to note, Jesus doesn’t tell us to go out and be salt and light. He declares we already are salt and light. As men who have experienced new birth, we are now new creatures in Christ whose character is increasingly reflected in the Beatitudes. To paraphrase the Apostle Peter, we are holy so we should go and be holy. We are to “go be who we already are,” Jesus and Peter teach us.
I love this text because it strikes an important connection and balance between inward piety and outward action. The inward and private pursuit of the devotional life, of spiritual introspection and reflection is vital, but if it never moves one forward to “live” the life of Christ in the world then it can become an empty and useless form of asceticism. A person can become quickly self-absorbed in their own stuff if their piety never leaves the prayer closet or Bible study. I hasten to add that, in my opinion, this is not the greatest threat to the church today. Would that more people spent greater time in the prayer closet and Bible study. That leads me to the other side of the coin.
As important as outward action (good works) is, if godly character is not undergirding and directing it, then it can become nothing more than the cause de jour. And that can morph into a self-centered, legalistic way for a man to build himself up, and become a judgmental, finger-wagging Pharisee. Not only that, without the knowledge of Christ and the godly character that comes from that relationship, such action can quickly lead to burnout and disillusionment because, to paraphrase Jesus in John 15, the branch was attempting to do all the work without being connected to the vine. Thus, the branch lacked sustenance, power, and direction.
The Role of the Church
To live as salt and light means disciples of Jesus Christ must exercise the godly influence of the Kingdom of God in the midst of the decay and darkness of the Kingdom of this world. A ministry of discipleship should include educating, equipping, and encouraging followers of Jesus Christ to take up his call to extend his Kingdom into every sphere of their lives as salt and light.
It's a both/and proposition: local churches should teach disciples how to build up their own faith and character so they can faithfully live as salt and light. So too should they equip and encourage their members to live out that faithfulness at home with their families, among friends, in the schools, at work, church, in their neighborhoods, communities, city or town, or even in the broader culture or world. A discipleship ministry should focus on both inward piety and outward action. This is how the church can faithfully minister as salt and light in today’s world.
* What are two ways you are growing in inward piety toward God and in the character of Christ?
* What are some ways your inward spiritual growth is showing up as salt and light in the various spheres of your life?
* What are three specific ways you can be more intentional about being a “Kingdom influence” where God has placed you? Share those ideas with a friend and pray together.
Grace and Truth,
In their study guide, "Being God's Man in the Face of Temptation," Steven Arterburn, Kenny Luck, and Todd Wendorff introduce the topic of men's temptations by listing a sort of "Top Ten" (in this case, it's only eight) temptations men face. They say a man is tempted to...
These are the areas they unpack throughout the rest of the study. I thought it might be helpful and good for me to revisit this study (which I did ten years ago) and see how my answers I wrote then match my thinking today. And, in the process, I hope to be able share some wisdom with you as well as receive some wisdom from you on these issues.
Five key ideas this study helps to provide us are...
You can order your own copy of the study guide here. I encourage you to do so as I found it to be a great blessing in helping me grow in godliness.