Church Widows

I once served a church that had a sweet group of widows who regularly sat in the same section of the sanctuary each week during worship. These women were a source of encouragement and fellowship to one another. Very often, after worship, they would enjoy having lunch together. They were inseparable. As their pastor, I was profoundly grateful that they had one another.

I was, however, shocked when I eventually learned that each one of these women was married. They weren’t widows at all. The truth was that their husbands would have nothing to do with the church. God used that revelation to set an important course in my ministry.

Over the last two-and-a-half decades of my ministry, I have seen the need for the church’s ministry to men. I’ve witnessed a variety of well-intentioned efforts that fall under the category of “men’s ministry” to meet those needs. Among the more popular are activities such as,

• A once-a-month Saturday morning pancake breakfast
• A once-a-month Monday evening spaghetti dinner
• Occasional service projects on the church property

To be sure, there is a place for pancakes, spaghetti, service projects, campouts, going to sporting events, and the rest. Yet none of those can or should take the place of gathering together each week for the purpose of intentional discipleship.

Iron John

Some of you will remember a secular men’s movement in the late 1980s called Iron John. It was all about men finding their “inner warrior” and letting him out. Men would camp out in the woods, beat drums, get in touch with their inner something-or-other, and cry around a campfire.

There are a lot of men’s ministries doing a baptized version of that today. It sounds cool. It’s edgy. It’s probably fun. But every time I read about another Christianized version of Iron John, I can’t help but think of the words of Saint Paul,

1 Corinthians 13:11 - When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Gimmicks, fads and entertainment in men’s ministry appeal to some men’s desire to remain in adolescence, but they will not produce mature disciples of Jesus Christ.

Hard Work

The process of becoming a genuine and faithful disciple of Jesus Christ is tough. It takes hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can’t be manipulated over the course of a weekend. It doesn’t materialize from a neatly wrapped program. It’s a day-in and day-out pursuit of Christ, through his Word and prayer, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and in a relational context.

While I am all for Bible studies and small groups for both genders, I think there must be a place for men to gather with other men, to study God’s Word and pray, in a context of accountability and encouragement. How many men do you know who would want to talk about lust in the presence of their wives? Or how many men would want to share how they struggle with pornography with other women in the room?

The Final Goal

The goal of ministry to men is not primarily about producing morally improved men.  It’s not primarily about warm-fuzzy experiences; it’s not even about emotional or psychological cathartic breakthroughs.

We may want each of those things to happen, but that should not be the primary target of men’s ministry. Instead, the purpose of ministry to men is to introduce men to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is God’s plan for transforming sinful men into redeemed sons of their heavenly Father. This transformation will produce men who passionately desire to become like Christ. They will want to know him better, love him more, and follow him more faithfully.
​
Such men will still battle sin, but as the Spirit works through the study of God’s Word, prayer, and accountable and encouraging fellowship, these men will become the men God has created, redeemed, and called them to be. And perhaps such men will turn the world upside down for God’s glory and the advancement of God’s Kingdom (Acts 17:6). But at the least, they will serve as “salt and light ambassadors” for Christ in their little corners of the world – their homes, workplaces, neighborhoods, and cities.

May God bless you toward that end.
 
Walking Points

• How are you presently serving as a “salt and light ambassador” for Christ in your home, workplace, neighborhood, and city? Discuss this with two or three other men.
• Are you an active part of a men’s discipleship ministry? How did you get connected to that group? What do you like best about your group? What needs to be improved?
• List the names of the men you have invited to join your men’s group over the last six months? How many are still a part of your group? Do you need to follow up with any of them and encourage them to get reconnected?
• Write the names of the men you will invite to join your group over the next six months. Begin praying today for these men to get connected with your group, and if they don’t already, to come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Introduction

A godly man…

“…is like a tree planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.” (Psalm 1:3 ESV)

A godly man is like a fruitful tree because he is continually nourished by streams of fresh water. The water, Psalm 1:2 says, is the Law of God, which the man delights in and regularly meditates upon.

Unlike the seed in Jesus’ parable which is sown on hard ground or among thorns, this man’s faith does not dry up and wither away, nor is it choked out by the worries or distractions of this world. Instead, the godly man bears fruit, not for himself, but for others.

To slightly change the imagery, Jesus taught in John 15 that he is the vine, and we are the branches. As godly men, we must abide in him and he in us, otherwise, we cannot bear any fruit of Kingdom-significance. Our life-giving, life-transforming sustenance comes directly from him; thus, we must remain connected to him if we would have real life and bear fruit.

Why Focus on Men?

I’ve been serving the local church for a little over two-and-a-half decades. I didn’t start off thinking my ministry would one day concentrate so much on men. I didn’t sense the urgency or need when I first began. In fact, my “aha” moment didn’t happen until my sixth year. I still remember the day the lightbulb turned on for me. (I share that experience in the last chapter of the book.) Suffice it to say, I have been ministering to men ever since.

My epiphany could best be summarized by the words I once heard pastor and writer, Tony Evans, preach…

• As the man goes, so goes the family
• As the family goes, so goes the church
• As the church goes, so goes the community
• As the community goes, so goes the city
• As the city goes, so goes the state, nation, and finally, the world.

Men are not God’s only plan for making disciples who will transform the world for Christ. Yet they are an important part of that plan.
 
Purpose of This Book

This is not a “how to” book. I love “how to” books. I have many on my bookshelves and have read them with great profit. What I have observed, however, is many books written to help men live Christian lives lack the basic foundational principles to help them get there and flourish.

Just as we would not build a skyscraper without first making sure the foundation could support it, neither should we call men to pursue godly lives without first giving them the only means of success. Jesus said we must abide in him, because apart from him, we can do nothing. Telling a man how to live a godly life without first sharing with him the divine resources for doing so, is to set him up for failure.

Part 1

There are five parts to this book. The first part focuses on the necessity of a changed heart. Before a man can live a godly life, something transformative and regenerative must first happen to him. He must become something he’s not, a new creature in Christ. That can only happen by God’s grace offered through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This section highlights the foundational components of becoming a new man in Christ.

Part 2

This section emphasizes that our relationship with God does not end at our new birth but begins there. God wants to develop the character of Christ in our lives. Therefore, we must continue growing in grace, in and through God’s strength, using God’s resources, and keeping ever before us the goal of becoming more like our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Parts 3 & 4

Godly men follow Christ as his disciples. They no longer live for themselves, according to their own wisdom and agenda. Instead, godly men sit at the feet of their Teacher and Lord and follow him wherever he leads. Christ calls each man to take his faith into every sphere of his life, at home, church, work, neighborhood and community, city, culture, nation, and world. In each sphere he is to bear witness to the King and make new disciples of his Kingdom.

Part 5

On their own, men cannot become the kind of men God created, redeemed, and called them to be. This last section stresses the need men have to grow in community as they study God’s Word together. It is in this context men are encouraged and equipped to pass the baton of faith to new generations of godly men, young and old. Building up godly men works best in the local church, which is why the last chapter looks at the importance of intentionally-focused ministry to men. The good and lasting fruit produced by such ministries will be more than worth the effort.

How to Use This Book

The chapters that comprise this book were originally sermons or talks addressed to men’s groups. I hope these same messages will now be profitably read, meditated upon, and discussed in personal devotions, one-on-one discipling settings, and in men’s small groups.

At the end of each chapter, I have provided a few questions for reflection and an action point or two. I call these “walking points” because Christians ought to do more than echo “talking points.” We must also put our talk into action. The Walking Points at the end of each chapter are designed to help you reflect on the key ideas of that chapter and turn them into action steps to put into practice in your life, as well as to share with others.

May God be glorified as we pursue godly manhood together.
Soli Deo Gloria

Peter Makes a Point
 
Five times in the first chapter of 2 Peter, we find a form of the word knowledge. Five times! That alone should at least grab our attention.
 
More than likely, Peter’s letter was a response to the “secret knowledge cults” and the Gnostic heresies of his day. For them, knowledge wasn’t available to all, but only to those who had “the inward spark” of divinity and who attended the secret and sacred initiation rites.
 
Public Knowledge
 
Knowledge for Christians, however, is public knowledge. Specifically, it is knowledge of God and his Son Jesus Christ, which is eternal life (John 17:3). It is in Christ that all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden (Col. 2:3). This is how we gain grace and peace. Peter writes,
 
Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (2 Peter 1:2)
 
It is by God, through God, and for God that we are given everything we need for life and godliness. Our access to this comes through knowing him (v. 3). Peter encourages us to add knowledge to our faith (v. 5). Furthermore, he beckons us to seek godly qualities in increasing measure because they will keep us from being ineffective and unproductive in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
But Not Just Any Knowledge
 
What all of this means is, knowledge matters. But not just any knowledge.
​
It is true Paul cautions us about knowledge which puffs us up with pride. But that’s only if we value knowledge as an end in itself. Instead, knowledge of God and of our Lord Jesus Christ gives us eternal life, grace and peace, and affects the way we live. In short, knowing God influences every sphere of life.
 
It is in and through the revealed Word of God that true, life-giving, life-transforming knowledge resides. Let us rejoice that our Lord has not left us alone to grope in the dark but has given us the light of knowledge – the light of his Word – which impacts every sphere of a godly person’s life. This is surely why Peter closes his letter with these words,
 
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. (2 Peter 3:18)
 
Walking Points

• ​Based on this devotional, what does it mean to know God?

 

• What are three ways in which the knowledge Peter speaks of make a difference in your daily life?

 

• What are three ways you can grow in that knowledge?

 

• Are you presently meeting with other Christians to study God's Word and pray together? If not, prayerfully consider two or three other people you might begin meeting with to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ.

 

• Pray about that today and contact them tomorrow. Get started before this time next week.

How’s Your Integrity?

Let me ask you a few questions that relate to this issue of being double-minded.

• Are you the same person at home with your family as you are at church?
• Are you the same person at church as you are work?
• Are you the same person when you’re out with your friends that you are in your small group or Bible study?
• Are you the same person with your family as you are sitting alone in front of the computer or television screen?
• Are you the same person away on a business trip as you are at home?
• How radically different is your thought-life from your public persona?

Those are some pretty tough questions. And while none of us probably moves from sphere to sphere – from group to group – with perfect consistency, we still need to ask the question: How wide are the gaps?

Whole, Entire, Undiminished

Part, maybe even most, of that consistency will come from how “integrated” our lives are regarding our relationship with God.  The words “integrated” and “integrity” come from the same root word. One of the dictionary’s definitions for integrity is,

“the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.”

The double-minded man, however, is not known for their integrity, but their duplicity. Duplicity means,

“deceitfulness in speech or conduct; speaking or acting in two different ways concerning the same matter with intent to deceive.”

Duplicitous men do not have integrity. They are not whole, entire, or undiminished. They have no unifying factor that keeps them whole.

The Unifying Factor

But the Christian man does have such a unifying factor. The question is: Does he make use of it? Is he related or connected to it? This unifying factor isn’t an “it” at all. It’s God. We’re called to be God-centered men who are living God-centered lives. Such a man will not speak, think, and act differently and deceptively with different people and in different settings.

Why? Because the man of God will be vitally connected to the same God in every sphere of his life. God doesn’t change. Because the godly man's life will have God as his unifying center, he will not change from place to place, from circumstance to circumstance. God-centeredness makes and keeps us whole instead of fragmented and compartmentalized.

Loving and Glorifying God

Think for a minute about what the Great Commandment says. Jesus says in Mark 12:30, we are commanded to,

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’

That’s all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. In other words, with all that we are. Our whole being. Every aspect of our lives.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:31,

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

You’re not glorifying God in the big or small details of your life if you’re double-minded. By the way, a good way to check yourself out on this is by asking:

• Am I glorifying God right now?
• Does this thought, word, deed, or desire bring God glory?

God’s Expectation

A couple of Old Testament texts that really hit home are,

• 1 Chronicles 29:17a – I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. (idea of being whole-hearted)
• Proverbs 10:9 – The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.
• Proverbs 11:3 – The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

God expects us to walk with integrity before him and others.

How Are You Doing?

How are you doing in the various spheres of your life? I don’t know about you but I want to be the same man in every sphere of my life: In private, at home with my family, work, church, or with my friends. I want to be the same person regardless of who I’m with or where I am. How about you?

Let’s pray God will form and shape us into the God-centered men of integrity he’s called us to be.

Walking Points

Take a look at the list below and ask yourself how you're doing in those areas. Are you living a consistently God-centered life in each? If not, why not? What can you do today to become more consistent in the following areas?
​

• Spiritual Integrity
• Mental Integrity
• Sexual Integrity
• Behavioral Integrity
• Verbal Integrity
• Moral Integrity
• Relational Integrity

Church Widows

I once served a church that had a sweet group of widows who regularly sat in the same section of the sanctuary each week during worship. These women were a source of encouragement and fellowship to one another. Very often, after worship, they would enjoy having lunch together. They were inseparable. As their pastor, I was profoundly grateful that they had one another.

I was, however, shocked when I eventually learned that each one of these women was married. They weren’t widows at all. The truth was that their husbands would have nothing to do with the church. God used that revelation to set an important course in my ministry.

Over the last two decades of my ministry I have seen the need for the church’s ministry to men. I’ve witnessed a variety of well-intentioned efforts that fall under the category of “men’s ministry” to meet those needs. Among the more popular are activities such as,
​

• A once-a-month Saturday morning breakfast
• Some sort of fun social outing
• Occasional service projects on the church property

To be sure, there is a place for pancakes, social outings, service projects, campouts, going to sporting events, and the rest. In fact, I would say they are very important in building relationships. Yet none of those can or should take the place of gathering together each week for the purpose of intentional discipleship.

Iron John

Some of you will remember a secular men’s movement in the late 1980s called Iron John. It was all about men finding their “inner warrior” and letting him out. Men would camp out in the woods, beat drums, get in touch with their inner something-or-other, and cry around a campfire.

There are a lot of men’s ministries doing a baptized version of that today. It sounds cool. It’s edgy. It’s probably fun. But every time I read about another Christianized version of Iron John, I can’t help but think of the words of Saint Paul,

1 Corinthians 13:11 - When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Gimmicks, fads, and entertainment in men’s ministry appeal to some men’s desire to remain in adolescence, but they will not produce mature disciples of Jesus Christ.

Hard Work

The process of becoming a genuine and faithful disciple of Jesus Christ is tough. It takes hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can’t be manipulated over the course of a weekend. It doesn’t materialize from a neatly wrapped program. It’s a day-in and day-out pursuit of Christ, through his Word and prayer, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and in a relational context.

While I am all for Bible studies and small groups for both genders, I think there must be a place for men to gather with other men, to study God’s Word and pray, in a context of accountability and encouragement. How many men do you know who would want to talk about lust in the presence of their wives? Or, how many men would want to confess how they struggle with pornography, while other women are in the room?

The Final Goal

The goal of ministry to men is not primarily about producing morally improved men.  It’s not primarily about warm-fuzzy experiences; it’s not even about emotional or psychological cathartic breakthroughs.

We may want each of those things to happen, but that should not be the primary target of men’s ministry. Instead, the purpose of ministry to men is to introduce men to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is God’s plan for transforming sinful men into redeemed sons of their heavenly Father. This transformation will produce men who passionately desire to become like Christ. They will want to know him better, love him more, and follow him more faithfully.

Such men will still battle sin, but as the Spirit works through the study of God’s Word, prayer, and accountable and encouraging fellowship, these men will become the men God has created, redeemed, and called them to be. And perhaps such men will turn the world upside down for God’s glory and the advancement of God’s Kingdom (Acts 17:6). But at the least, they will serve as “salt and light ambassadors” for Christ in their little corners of the world – their homes, workplaces, neighborhoods, and cities.

May God bless you toward that end.
 
Walking Points
​

• How are you presently serving as a “salt and light ambassador” for Christ in your home, workplace, neighborhood, and city? Discuss this with two or three other men.
• Are you an active part of a men’s discipleship ministry? How did you get connected to that group? What do you like best about your group? What needs to be improved?
• List the names of the men you have invited to join your men’s group over the last six months? How many are still a part of your group? Do you need to follow up with any of them and encourage them to get reconnected?
• Write the names of the men you will invite to join your group over the next six months. Begin praying today for these men to get connected with your group and, if they don’t already, come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.